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Archive for the ‘My Life’s Rich Pageant’ Category

These days, the mind has time to range every which way in time, and my thoughts recently turned to those who influenced my taste in music. Here are the major ones, all well before I graduated from college.

First must be my dad, who used to strum his acoustic guitar and sing for us from his Sing Out! magazines of folk music. “Big Rock Candy Mountain,” “Reuben James,” “The Wabash Cannonball,” “Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream,” and all of that great stuff. He also spun a lot of Beatles records and turned us on to classical music.

sing out reprints

My elementary school music teacher, Mrs. H, with her wide eyes, also stirred classical imaginings in us. Portraits of the great composers graced the wall she stood in front of while she taught us to play “Hot Cross Buns” on the recorder and xylophone, or guided us on the most atmospheric of experiences, the “Danse Macabre” of Saint-Saëns, which we played out every Halloween.

There were her Christmas/Holiday Programs, where each class took their turn on the risers performing a holiday classic, or something new. We sang “Winter Wonderland,” “Jingle Bell Rock,” complete with top hats and white gloves. And in 5th grade, we sang an original composition that started with, “The little lord Jesus asleep on the hay…”. There were feature songs where my clarinet-ing was even allowed; they conjured up images of winter and Hanukkah. After each class performed their song, they filed over to the holiday tree and placed ornaments we’d made in Mrs. S’s art class. Oh the glitter and the glue!

We had songs in our textbooks too, going back to first and second grades, “I’m gonna put put put on my walking shoes / I’m gonna but but button up my coat / I’m gonna walk right across the land there’s lots of things to see / And if you want to you can walk with me / Walk with me, walk with me, walk with………me!”

Classical also benefitted from the Hooked on Classics record series. I had no idea this guy was the conductor and arranger for ELO’s orchestral elements! Melodies still pop into my head and segue into the melodies they segued into on those records, often having no idea what the pieces are. They’re just stamped on my brain.

My mom had her share of influence too, driving us as the did on various errands throughout the day. It was 70s and early 80s radioCarly Simon, Kool & The Gang, Ambrosia, &c.that was soundtrack to trips to soccer and tennis lessons, Jewel-Osco, Nichols Library, the Y. Imagine something like this.

We’d stay at my grandparents’ in Ohio, and eventually one got to spinning the records stored indoors or in my grandpa’s workshop attached to the garage. My grandpa might have suggested Louis Armstrong, and he had a few brittle Big Band 78s I still possess, but it was more the records left behind by my aunt and unclesChad & Jeremy, Marianne Faithfull, Paul Mauriat, The Kingston Trio that scintillated my ears.

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Beautiful cover from the U.S. release of her first album (from discogs.com)

There was also a great double album Glenn Miller memorial collection, opening the way for Big Band music galore a little down the road.

Somehow or another I got to buying 45s and LP records too, gleaned from radio listening. I remember mowing the lawn with my Walkman headphones on my ears, listening to Casey Kasem’s Top 40 countdown. Early MTV had its place too. 104.3 and its oldies; 94.3 and its even olders. The cassettes I recorded direct from radio with songs like “Sugar Shack” by Jimmy Gilmer and The Fireballs and “Cinnamon” by Derek!

Just as important, my friends BB and DH, who got me into rap in a big way. That first tentative buy of Raising Hell by Run-DMC, the sophomoric sonic boom of License To Ill, scouring record shops for discs by spray-paint-scrawl Techno Hop records and the endless appreciation for record scratching, including trying to imitate it. Cool creations by Mantronix. Public Enemy. Some conventionality arose as well, as someone kept playing Milli Vanilli and such things.

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One of a few great Techno Hop records (from discogs.com)

Later, as high school ended, a new awakening. Alternative music groups too many to even begin naming. Two seminal, immortal “miscellany” tapes from MD, different schools of thought embodied by EJ, RJ, GU, and the rest. My sister’s equally immortal mix tapes, she and her best friend lending me tapes, copying music for me.

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A smattering of tapes from the time

What heady Curefriend days those were! This carried forward into college, accentuated by school breaks and dozens of letters and little packages sent back and forth. And I can’t forget the colorful reference books I inhaled, on British beat groups of the 60s, on alternative rock. I’d just roll the names of the groups and songs over in my head time and again, and sometime was even able to listen to the actual music. A trek to Woodfield Mall to buy (and hear) my first Jam album was one such incident.

What a wonderful time. No wonder my heart and mind still return to it, and all of those that went before.

Oh, and have you voted in the Signac puzzle piece poll yet?

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One of the cooler conservation organizations out there, the Center for Biological Diversity, sent me a postcard with a beautiful red fox looking at me with the poem “Keeping Quiet” beside. It’s by Pablo Neruda and I hope you’ll read it and mull it over, maybe even recognize it as your natural state, one that seems to have been forced upon many people these days who are so used to unceasing hustling. Without going on about it, I had never read this poem before, and it perfectly reflects the way to combat this gospel of profit margin, of anthropocentric growth, of getting ahead that so pervades human endeavor.

Speaking of celebrating the profitless, have you voted in the Signac puzzle piece poll yet?

I’ve been spending some more time with Divine Discontent by Sixpence None The Richer, listening more closely and associations that were vague now register.

There is the Crowded House cover, track 4, and one that brings to mind Alanis Morissette (5), early late Beatles (10), Bacharach or Alpert (11), and not sure, but someone (12), all delivered with Leigh Nash’s rich vocals and Matt Slocum’s rich orchestration and deft (along with Sean Kelly) guitar playing.

As usual, the best songs are the ones penned by Slocum alone. There’s even a developing “hat trick,” as I call a wonderful succession of three songs that lead off the somber festivities: “Breathe Your Name,” “Tonight,” and “Down and Out of Time.” This last is my favorite song at this point, and one Nash also contributed to.

Slocum’s songwriting remains at the high level of their big hit album, and his vulnerability and confessional knowledge of his own weaknesses remains as well. “I’ve Been Waiting” hooks you in and takes the breath away. “Down and Out of Time” captures some of the song that began their previous album“We Have Forgotten” has this lashing out: “don’t go, I’ll shoot you down.” “Down and Out of Time” says, “I aim my cannon at you ready or not / You’re gonna feel my pain like it or not.”

There’s no nicer song to sing along with. And it’s perfect for this time when so much is grounded and, despite all the pain for so many, there is much to be found in exactly thatbeing grounded. “Perhaps this earth can teach us / as when everything seems dead / and later proves to be alive.”

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Ephemerality

This cold weather carries so many old people away.

That’s the first line of a poem called “For Nineteenth-Century Burials” by John Betjeman. But it can just easily apply to the centuries I’ve lived in. The line pops into my head now and then, and did so the other day as I passed by the new/old campaign office of Michael Bloomberg, which popped up one day a couple of weeks ago and almost immediately shut down the day after Super Tuesday. This is all that is left:

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Michael Bloomberg Chicago HQ, the day after.

One day, the same will happen to the Bernie Sanders office, then the Joe Biden one, and so on and so on. In these days of coronavirus, and the usual violence and accidents of various stripes, it is hard not to think of death, here today gone tomorrow, as opposed to the more optimistic, but still earth-bound Here Today, Tomorrow Next Week! referred to a few posts ago.

Examining letters from my grandpa’s brother, writing jovially about seeing slightly old movies in the Pacific Theater, out of harm’s way, until he wasn’t and was killed late in WWII gives me a similar feeling.

If one thinks about it, death surrounds us daily, there is always something, animate or inanimate, meeting its maker as we walk down the street. And if we felt it, as one can if they focus on certain Instagram pages about, say, farm animals, many of us would not be able to carry on. Anyone who helps animals in trouble feels this deeply sometimes. I rescue birds when they migrate through our hazard-filled big city, and the speed and wantonness of death can be astonishing.

 

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A beautiful Fox Sparrow beyond rescue.

Look at this beautiful Great-horned Owl:

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©2019, Nora Moore Lloyd (nativepics.org)

Sadly, it didn’t live even for a day after this photo was taken due to an injury it had already sustained. Such beauty and vibrancy, gone.

I guess the clichés about carpe diem carry weight. It seems right to do what you love and spend your time with those you love. Realize that everyone is in the same boat, every living thing on this planet.

These cold breezes / Carry the bells away on the air, / Catching new grave flowers into their hair,  / Beating the chapel of red-coloured glass.

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Time is the trickiest business for us humans and as time presses on us and passes us by, we sometimes learn a thing or two about it. A decade or so ago, I garnered a ticket for turning right somewhere in Chicago where it was perfectly safe to do so, although an unnoticed sign prohibited it. After shelling out and a week of online traffic school, I learned a thing or two and was almost grateful for the experience. Hurrying to a destination rarely shaves off much time, and the times it causes an accident or ticket more than compensate for time saved while weaving in an out of traffic, treating each trip like a race between unspecified opponents on an unspecified course, or in tailgating or passing people only to cut them off or wind up right in front of them at a red light.

Sitting back a bit and watching the world unfold is more than worth it, in the end, and besides I can listen to (and sing) good music while driving, so what’s the rush? Haste does make waste, I constantly notice as I try to maneuver something in my apartment only to drop it. I have never been one to hurry. I was not especially eager to grow up or graduate from class to class. I spent an extra half-year, at least, at grad school phase two because I was comfortably working half the week, taking a small class load, and writing in my spare time. Never in a rush to marry for its own sake. When confronted with an almost incalculable span of time in fifth grade–what will your life be like in the year 2000–I produced something akin to normality, having a wife and kids and such, without much thought and certainly no plan or overwhelming aspiration. It just seemed how things would unfold, and that was fine.

Now, life sans hurry can lead to accomplishing nothing sometimes, especially when opportunities are not seized. On the other hand, life can be savored by looking around one’s self as time slips by. Delay is no friend either, and I have seen it these days with family, resistance to change, to facing reality, taken to dangerous levels. There is plenty of life left, and curtailing an activity here and there due to age or inability or what have you, well, there is no harm in that, and in fact it can be life-saving and life-improving.

My plan is to keep doing things, keeping busy, but not feeling compelled to rush into anything, and trying to better seize a moment when I can. There is value in holding my tongue and not acting, but more and more I note it is best to just say it and get it over with. No one is perfect at this, we are often off, but we can hone our skills as time passes by, however much our capabilities and ambitions may change. What is clear, though, hurry and delay can cause a lot of trouble and art is long.

 

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Hurrian “Urkish Lion” and foundation document, Third Millennium BCE

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Delight in blindness.— “My thoughts,” said the wanderer to his shadow, “should show me where I stand; but they should not betray to me where I am going. I love my ignorance of the future and do not wish to perish of impatience and of tasting promised things ahead of time.” (Nietzsche, The Gay Science, 287)

It has been an unusual year or two, and as 2018 turned to 2019, when faced with a choice, I have decided to pare away, to strip down what I was doing to what I, in fact, wanted to do. My conservation work, although tedious in role at times, has been fulfilling and some camaraderie has arisen. Most else has been pretty much nil, but being close to my family and haunts is always satisfying. I rejuvenated a former working passion of mine and it might lead finally to a bit of recompense. If I were not so stubborn, I might have fled this place and find it happier by now, but I am always looking around here, trying to extract blood from a stone, whether it be a bird in a forest I’ve known my whole life, or finding a way of life here.

There is a tremendous beauty in this falling to nothingness, ignored by the hiring world, not pursuing unrequited friendships, rejuvenating my tasks and goals. Past great loves of mine have finally been let go, and the boxes storing those memories have dwindled to one. I sometimes feel a pang of regret in part of me. I wish what is now behind well. I cannot look back for long, for any longer.

And the past came to me these past couple of years in force. A college reunion in 2018 led to long conversations with people I’d respected then, but didn’t know well at all. On the other hand, a close friend or two from that time is no longer close. A couple of the very few cards I sent out this December to people from that time have gone unanswered.

And in 2019, high school took its turn, an even more obscure reunion for me, who had barely scratched my brain to think of that time in a decade or two. The nooks of the school were familiar again as we toured, and I found I had a single happy flash of recollection about almost everyone I met. It is benign, almost happy to meet people again who you barely knew then. The couple of formerly close friends I spent time with were fun to see as well. The others were small things: “I remember her, overhearing her commenting that she loved saxophone music as the girl behind me kept staring at and seemingly trying to steal my eyelashes.” “This woman wrote a different binomial equation in every yearbook she signed.” “This person lived so close to me, but being a block out of the range of where I ran around with my friends, I never got to know her.” Such happenstance smoothed over with age.

Someone I thought I might wish to meet again was at a concert. I had not imagined this context, and she with her husband, and it was pure revulsion after a moment of initial stun. In another context, maybe not revulsion, but it’s done and now revulsion is the default and so it will remain. I wash my hands of that wish.

I found someone recently who I had searched for off and on for years, ever since she’d said goodbye at the end of a school year way back then. No reply; could she forget me?. Or was it an odd juxtaposition for her, not worth it? I can let these things go now; I have tried, and the past is not much for our present⁠—it truly does end.

The world is indifferent, I know this, but experiencing it with such force in the world of standard human endeavor of these days⁠—finding work, finding love⁠—this indifference I had not quite experienced in the same way, with the same endurance, although I have found I can endure it pretty well. I refuse to refuse myself, to contort myself, to comport myself. And I am the better for it. After nothing most likely will come something.

And again, there is the delight in nothing, lost but still possibly on the verge of being found, but not relying on it, not trying to pave deliberate some way for it. Tonight, the delight of the epiphany is here with us now; my world has fallen to nothing; I am saved from strife. “Then the tempo of life slows down and becomes thick like honeyeven to the point of long fermata, of the faith in long fermata.” (Niet., 376) The earlier holidays’ powdered-sugared Pandoro is now parti-colored Rosca de Reyes.

I imagine most would say I have held the fermata too long, and yes I think of my former band teachers. Say it has been too long a pause in my indecision, confusion, stubborn refusal, seeking self again. I can let this long, sweet pause go like I have much else. Now it is time for achievement, compromise to scrape together a living and maybe loving. I look at the pair of Stiphodon gobies that have the 29-gallon fish tank beside me all to themselves and think of my being alone, and of the old line of mine in my head: “I await one ere I seal my tomb.” It holds true, and though it was written with a wife in mind, it can also apply to paying work. But even now, these do not compare to the satisfaction in this nothing, knowing myself as I stand. Now it is time, with minimal compromise, and as the celebrated musical advised, to Follow Thru and fulfill what I am.

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Nancy Carroll in Follow Thru ©1930, Paramount Pictures

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The time has come again.

I’ve been watching lots of Women’s World Cup soccer action, and figure it is about time. Watching these women play with gusto and expertise hearkens me back to my days playing the same sport, and subsequent efforts in tennis, softball, basketball, and epic pick-up football struggles with friends–but those days for me are no more, even were I to pick sports back up. I have taken a different path, a more bookish one, and I figure I ought to make the most of it rather than look wistfully at other options. So, days of sucking orange slices with comrades in arms may be gone, but we press on.

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Lefties unite! Rose Lavelle left foots it.

A lot of my previous writing was as assigned, always an easy task when given limits, or “because a fire was in my head.” Thanks to these and some other endeavors (see About for a few) I’ve scraped together something of a corpus. As years and un-begun projects stack up, though, it is a good time to start in greater earnest, perhaps with a bit of refinement-through-age helping me, although this is hardly the brevity I was hoping for when I began typing this morning.

This blog is about music, and more. Art exhibits I visit, philosophic and political ideas that rear their heads, favorite works of literature, historical oddities, movies, aesthetic miscellanies, etc. And this all started and starts with The Sugarcubes. A decade or more ago, a workplace intern told me she was a fan of Björk (Guðmundsdóttir), renowned Icelandic solo singer, and presented me with a collection of her best work. When I mentioned Björk’s early group of some distinction, The Sugarcubes, she hadn’t heard of them. Of course, this saddened me.

Now, quite possibly a generation removed from those who have any acquaintance with Björk, let alone The Sugarcubes, I figure one thing I can share for any who are to read is my experience with music, something I have delved into with natural, unthinking avidity for my whole life.

But the idea for this blog starts with The Sugarcubes, specifically their second album, Here Today, Tomorrow Next Week! This album is and was unsung, considered a disappointment at the time among the critics and my friends, my alternative set of friends as opposed to the rap one; another in the catalogue (yes, we can still spell it this way) of supposedly cursed debut follow-ups.

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©1989, Elektra Records

I didn’t know the release date, which turns out to be September 1989. What a wonderful date! My birthday month and the start of my college career! I was off in a place away from my altie music friends, but saw them plenty during Christmas break and summers, and we even exchanged written and posted letters often discussing these very things, music releases that is! So, with those days in mind, I will see what I can make of this blog today, tomorrow, next week.

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